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The engineer, who wishes to be known only as Mike, is no stranger to the agonies and grief caused by HIV infection.
Mike lost the man he calls his second husband to AIDS 12 years ago, back before the new mixtures of anti-viral drugs known as protease cocktails extended the lives of the infected for years.
A search on the terms in the AOL member directory confirms that Mike's jargon struck a nerve.
One self-proclaimed blond bugchaser lists his marital status as "needing all your critters in me." A man from New York who calls himself a "pig for the nasty seed" says he's looking for "aggressive dudes with poz [positive] attitudes about sharing gifts." A fan from San Diego specializes in "giving bugchasers the gift," while a 24-year-old declares he "loves spreading it." Some of the personals on Xtremesex are even more outrageous, a public-health official's nightmare, such as one ad from a self-proclaimed speed addict with a yen for swapping all "toxic manfluids" and any sex and drug kink "this side of the wrecking ball."If it all sounds a little too blood-curdling – say, like a "There have always been people – heterosexual people, lesbians, as well as gay men – who are drawn to transgressive acts and extreme sex like S&M," Rofes says.
There are single women, couples, guys and transgender sections.
Heated debates over the practice of barebacking have exploded in the gay media in the last couple of years, most recently when New York-based Mike says the terms bugchaser and giftgiver just came to him.
"They seemed to convey the precise mindset of the people involved" in looking for unprotected sex online.
Mike's lover lived only six months after diagnosis.
HIV-positive himself, Mike launched Xtremesex three years ago after running into men in chat rooms on America Online who were "into fucking bareback as a fetish," he says.